Updated: Jun 10, 2022
Who hasn't felt rejected at some point in life? We all deal with rejection. The reasons why we feel it and suffer it can be several. Sometimes we suffer because the person who rejects us has some unresolved matter and we detonate that point by the law of the mirror. Their reaction manifests itself with the rejection of us. Other times it is because we are the ones who reject ourselves or reject some part of us that we have not yet managed to identify, and the person who rejects us is our trigger, also our mirror. Sometimes we suffer irrational rejections at the social level, such as behaviours such as racism or classism, which after all are revealing a lack or issue to be dealt with at a general level in society. Sometimes we suffer rejection for several of these reasons combined.
In either case, rejection is something that comes, like almost everything in life, to give us an opportunity to learn or to give attention to something so that we can develop as people. In my experience, when dealing with rejection, we must do an exercise in humble self-criticism in order to identify whether the cause and origin of the rejection are our own or external. This is not an easy task, as our ego will always tend to blame something external rather than take responsibility, reacting even with rejection towards those who rejected us. Paradoxes...
When I look back and check every time I turned someone down, 80% of the time, they were actually rejections I made of myself. Over time I learned to identify and work these spaces of my shadow. The secret is to be willing to self-examine. As I checked myself, I exercised less rejection in others, simply because I began to give space within myself to what made me reject them. In this way, when you apply an inclusive logic, you see that in reality rejection is saying no to oneself in many things that you really want to say yes to. Paradoxically, this exercise will allow us to have more clarity when it comes to someone rejecting us. It will help us to see if the rejection is motivated by my imbalance, by that of the other, or by that of both.
Although we train and gain ease in this task, we must not lower our guard. Life will always bring us a new rejection. And every time he comes he will be more subtle and more complex. This is the fundamental reason why I recommend normalizing and managing rejection as commonplace, something we have to deal with on a daily basis. Be attentive to the micro-rejections we make and receive and bring them to a space of greater awareness. Does this mean I can't reject or say no to things I don't want? Not at all. Rejecting and saying no to what we don't want is absolutely necessary, especially in these times. That doesn't mean we don't pay attention to how to reject it. We can always say "no" with affection.